You dont even need to read this. I just want to get it out. So idk dear tumblr, I was stupid enough to drop out. Not only from high school but online too. I just, stopped working. I dont know why I do this to myself. I feel like if I knew what I wanted to be I wouldnt just quit. When I was younger all I wanted to be was an artist, anything art related I loved I felt like thats where I belonged.. and I knew exactly where Ide go after high school and everything. But 9th grade I had to make up a few classes so I couldnt really take anything I wanted. but I still drew, that summer I met someone who changed me, completely. I was outgoing and full of life, so optimistic anything was possible and I never ran out of ideas or things to talk about. I fell for this guy and he was awesome, but things changed and he treated me horrible. It got worse every day. I just let it happen. I felt like I couldnt live without him. He would tell me that anything I did someone could do it to that I wasnt special. he told me everything I said was stupid. being myself was embarrassing. what I wore was stupid. how I looked bad. how I dressed was wrong, my hair was too short. everything. so more and more I changed. I didnt talk. I didnt wear what I liked. I wasn’t happy. he told me he didnt love me. he didnt even like me I was boring now. so he left me. and ever since I feel like I lost a part of me ill never be able to get back. and havent. I dont know if ill ever be able to be the same. I let myself be stripped of everything that made me, me. And knowing that rips me apart every single day. knowing Im still with him is even worse. The one person who really helped me stay who I was, decided my friendship wasnt worth as much as a girl who is still breaking his heart. Im wasting my life being sad. but I cant find the strength to make it better. I hate how I am. I feel worthless. Like I shouldnt be here.